Today I had my yearly appointment with my Stem Cell Transplant doctor. The man who saved my life My blood levels look amazing. I am a walking miracle according to Dr. Antin (my hero, and I want to adopt him as my grandfather). I should feel so incredibly happy. However, as we are driving home, I can’t help but feel depleted. He confirmed my eyes will never get better. I will always suffer from extreme dry eye due to graft vs. host disease. My daily back pain I mentioned to him is due to all the damage from the chemotherapy therapy I received trying to kick Leukemia’s BUTT!, Then on top of that I had a spinal fracture post treatment from coughing since my bones were so fragile. I need to go for another bone density scan, since I am long overdue. He showed me my bone density levels from my last test and I am way below average.
Each and every day it takes me hours to complete all of my daily body maintenance. The hot eye compresses, eye drops, glaucoma drops, nasal rinses, facial steaming and PT exercises. Then add in all the follow up Dr’s appointments with eye specialists and all the trips to the pharmacy. It’s a part time job that I don’t get paid for. In fact, some days I feel like every stop costs me a ton of money. Then add on top of that the tasks of daily life. My family, work, the house….. it’s A LOT. I’m tired, I feel like I am always tired!! I miss the old Tracy. I want to be more grateful for my life. Appreciate the miracle God gave me. A new lease on life (literally). I need to remember my mantra one minute, one hour, one day at time. Give myself a break. Try not to compare myself to other moms my age. Enjoy any free time I may get. Just breathe