I can't believe that next month will be 5 years since my stem cell transplant. Five years since I went trough three rounds of chemical warfare against Leukemia. Five years of using the heating pad every night, applying endless hot compresses to my eyes, flushing out my sinuses daily, follow up eye dr. appointments, rheumatology appointments, doctor appointments, yearly follow up appointments in Boston, and panicking each and every time I don't feel well that "IT" is back.
The last five years I had to rediscover who and what I am. The old Tracy pre Leukemia is gone. The woman who had perfect vision, loved to go for runs, could drive around her kids at night, and never seemed to tire. That Tracy died the day we received the Leukemia diagnosis.
Today, I value each and every day knowing all to well you never know when it may be your last. It takes me two hours to get all my body parts up and ready for the day, I ache each and every night, constantly get sinus infections, and still take the never ending prescriptions for all my broken body parts. Sometimes I get so angry! It's not fair the nightmare is never ending. Leukemia stole my life, my children's innocence. It broke me emotionally and physically.
I will continue to bake, perform haircut fundraisers and be the best new version of me I can possibly be. I thank God that I am still here, able to help my kids with their homework and hear about their latest crush. I worry how I will feel when I am actually 65 years old since my body is already so beaten up. I cringe every time I hear of another Leukemia diagnosis. I pray and hope for more cures, Glaucoma treatments, less back pain, and a brighter future